It has been 2 weeks since I've changed my ADHD meds and it’s not been great.
My Psychiatrist and I agreed that I'd try new meds because of ongoing pain and discomfort in my mouth.
The clenching is uncomfortable and I hadn't realised how apparent it was until I saw a photo of myself with my tongue doing something strange that was causing an unsightly bulge in my mouth.
Once I saw that photo I started paying notice to what I was doing and how often I was doing it and then figured out that I was subconsciously trying to soothe what was going on in my mouth.
Since meeting my Psych in December of 2022, I have seen him every three months for a review. In March he recommended that we change meds but I went against this because I was only just starting to see the positive outcomes and I felt like I was finally getting to a good place even though the side effects were getting worse.
During the June appointment, I shared that I was considering weaning off the meds completely because of the amount of pain and discomfort.
Dr Psych recommended that I not do anything drastic and to try another type of medication for three weeks then touch base and if that one’s not working then we’d try another.
The trial and error part of this ‘experiment’ makes me anxious.
My stress levels are on the rise just thinking about going from ‘Yay, I can achieve, I’m not dumb, you go girl’ to ‘OMG we’re back here again’.
It’s week one.
I started on half a tablet in the morning and half a tablet at midday.
The jaw clenching was less apparent.
Yay!
Week two, one full tablet in the morning and one full tablet at midday.
By the evening my jaw is uncomfortable and I find myself chewing gum, sucking on lozenges and even wearing my splint (it's for sleeping) to try and ease the discomfort.
The discomfort is just as bad and even possibly worse than before when on the original tablets; I've noticed that my mind feels scattered and my surroundings are becoming quite disorganised (again).
These past 2 days I've looked around and seen that my space at work and at home is becoming cluttered, disorganised and quite messy.
I've also realised that it's getting harder to get out of bed on time and it's been a real struggle to get to places on time; another downfall is if I don't take the midday tablets on time (because I have ADHD and get easily distracted) I start spacing out and feeling like I'm nodding off to sleep.
It’s becoming more obvious each day that these meds are not the right fit and I am anxious about telling my Psych because doing so will mean trialling the next lot of new meds which also means starting back at the beginning all over again.
Two things to consider here are:
1) I survived 46 years unmedicated and since starting meds 6 months ago I've realised how different life could have been with the correct supports, interventions and medications. Instead of surviving, I could have been thriving (and less stressed, anxious, overworked etc).
2) Every time I meet or speak with my Psychiatrist it costs me between $200 to $300 and each time I try a new medication I'm spending more money on prescriptions. This part of my 'treated ADHD' journey whilst in the trial and error stages is becoming costly and it's also impacting negatively on my physical, mental, and emotional health.
I was in a good place until the side effects of the original meds really kicked in and now I'm really feeling the impacts of what life was like before the diagnosis and the original meds.
Untreated ADHD feels like my energy is being drained, it's causing fatigue, affecting my ability to focus and function well and the negative impacts are definitely messing with my physical, mental and emotional health.
I don't like where I'm at and I definitely do not like how I'm feeling.
I'll be on the phone with my Psych first thing Monday morning (if I don't get distracted or forget).
These are the early days and hopefully, we'll get to where I need to be soon.
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